Some Miracles Just Take a Little More Time

In December of 2011, bursting with excitement, we decided it was time for me to stop taking birth control. We looked forward to the coming months, thinking soon we'd be starting our family. By April of 2013, I started this blog to share our infertility journey. And in November of that year we found out that, after 3 rounds of Femara and Boston's World Series win, we were finally pregnant! Our joy was incomparable for the next 2 months. But in January of 2014, at our 12 week visit, our worst fears were realized. Our little baby Boston no longer had a heartbeat, and our hearts were broken. It took us a long time to start to repair.

By summer, we decided to go back to the reproductive clinic and start trying again. After 3 rounds of Femara, nothing changed. I only ovulated with the additional help of an HCG trigger shot, but my progesterone didn't rise, and I couldn't take it. I felt completely useless. I felt I had nothing to offer. I couldn't keep the baby I'd wanted so badly, and I couldn't even get pregnant again. Hope felt lost.

After that, I told Tyler I couldn't go back. I needed time before I could try again. The heartache was too much for me to handle. So, we took time for ourselves. We enjoyed our life as a family of two.

By the beginning of the year we started considering when we would go back to the the clinic and start trying again. I kept putting it off. I was so afraid. I was afraid to get pregnant again, I was afraid of never getting pregnant again, I was afraid of how much more treatments would cost and how much more we'd have to do. And by my birthday, I couldn't believe I was turning 27 and not any closer to knowing when or how I'd have a family.

In April I told Tyler, I would call RCC and make an appointment. My nurse said we'd need to start from the beginning and reevaluate. We scheduled a new consult with Dr. Swelstad and she gave me a list of all the tests we'd need to do again. I didn't feel like I could go through it. So the second Sunday in April, I fasted about it and prayed all day for guidance. The thought came to me that I needed to go to the temple for peace. So I prayed and made a pact with God. I said, "Heavenly Father, if I make the sacrifice go to the Temple every day this week, will you please help me get through this? I need peace in my heart to know what is right. I need you to make this right."

Well, he answered my prayer, but he did me one better...

After 4 years,
SO many negative pregnancy tests,
a few thousand dollars,
and a few thousand tears...
A miracle will come to us this Christmas!

On Wednesday, April 15th I was 4 days late. I had a dentist appointment that afternoon. I couldn't get the thought out of my head to take a pregnancy test. I tried to ignore it, like every other month, but I gave in and on my way to my appointment I stopped at Walgreens.

I bought a 2 pack, cause its cheaper and, ya know, I do my best to keep First Response in business. I went in to the bathroom- yes the Walgreens bathroom. I broke my cardinal rule and looked at the test immediately... My eyes bugged! There in front of me, 2 hot pink lines stared back at me. I checked the instructions again to confirm what that meant. I shook the test and blinked my eyes open and shut about 10 times. There were still 2 lines. "HOLY CRAP!" My voice echoed against the tile bathroom. A hysteric laugh burst from my chest, then the tears came. "H...Ho... How?! Wh...Wha... What?!... OH MY GOSH!" Not about to throw it away, I put the positive test back in the box and ran out of the bathroom.

I got out to my car, hyperventilating. How is this possible? I've been testing for ovulation since January, and never have never gotten a positive. This is impossible. Isn't it? OH MY GOSH! I'M PREGNANT! The thoughts were coming fast and jumbled together as I drove towards my appointment. Suddenly it dawned on me that I would have to tell the dentist I was pregnant (Oh my gosh!) and that would mean that my dentist office would know before Tyler.

I dialed Ty's number and waited for him to pick up, wondering what I would say...
"Hey Beautiful!"
"Hey, do you have time to talk? Are you in your office?"
"Yeah, I can talk. What's up?"
"Uhhmm... I think I'm pregnant..."
"Why do you think that?" (You can tell by the lack of enthusiasm in his response that he has to listen to my maybe-I'm-pregnant theories a lot.)
" Well, I just took a pregnancy test and it is positive!"
"WHAT?! Are you serious?!"
Tears, lots of tears and laughter.
Then, just like me, "H...Ho...How?! Wh...Wha... What?!... OH MY GOSH!"
"I had to call you cause I'm on my way to the dentist, and I couldn't tell him first!"

When we were finally home together that night we felt impossibly happy. We hugged each other so tight and Tyler rubbed my belly and kissed it, "You be good in there, okay?" <3

Well, we went in for our 12 week visit last Thursday and there was our little babe wiggling and moving it's little arms! Dr. Lister said, "Look, he's waving to say, 'Hi mom and dad! I'm okay and I'm still here!'" The relief we felt is indescribable. We can't believe it. WE'RE GETTING A BABY FOR CHRISTMAS!

I am sometimes still in disbelief, but then I throw up or fall asleep while we drive to the store and remember that I am MOST definitely pregnant, at last!

The last 3 1/2 years have been incredibly hard, rewarding, awful, happy, and just a whole mixture of emotions. We are SO ready for this new adventure. And we are so in love with this amazing blessing from Heavenly Father.

Infertility is wicked. Let's not even sugar coat it! And our journey has been short and much easier in comparison to others. Our hearts go out to our infertility brothers and sisters still struggling. Keep the faith and don't lose hope. Somehow, some way the right things will happen and God's plan will be revealed.
Some miracles just take a little more time.

Much Love & Joy
XO.