Let's Stop Downplaying Mental Illness

At one point or another in your life you have probably been sad, really sad. You have probably experienced disappointment, death of a loved one or failed at something that really upset you. What you may not have experienced is depression. You may have nonchalantly said, "I'm so depressed" at some point in your life when you momentarily suffered sadness, but you probably don't really know what it means. Because if you have actually been "so depressed" then you know there is nothing momentary about it.

Maybe you know someone, are married to someone, or are related to someone who actually suffers from real, chronic depression. Maybe you have thought, Why don't they just have a more positive attitude? Why are they such a downer? Why can't they just stop? Maybe you have said to someone, "Just stop being so sad," "You just need to be more positive," or the worst, "If you'd pray more you would just be happy."

Mental illness is, well, AN ILLNESS. When someone is diagnosed with cancer and can't get out of bed, no one thinks, Why don't they just get up? Or says, "Have you tried just not having cancer?" But we downplay mental illness like its not a real disease, because if you haven't actually suffered it you just can't understand it. You can't understand the crippling effects of depression or anxiety. You can't understand the constant negative, terrifying thoughts or the inability to find joy or motivation in anything.

Although, I've never had cancer and I still know it must be hell. As a society we are quick to sympathize when it comes to diseases we can see, but quicker to judge diseases of the mind. It must stop. Let's stop downplaying Mental Illness.

• Suicide takes the lives of nearly 40,000 Americans every year. (save.org)
• Globally, more than 350 million people of all ages suffer from depression. (dosomething.org)
• 1 in 5 adults experiences a mental health condition every year. 1 in 20 lives with a serious mental illness such as schizophrenia or bipolar disorder. (nami.org)
• 50% of mental health conditions begin by age 14 and 75% of mental health conditions develop by age 24. (nami.org)
• PTSD affects about 7.7 million Americans (nami.org)
• When experiencing an [depressive] episode, teens have an increased risk for suicide. In fact, suicide is the third-leading cause of death among children aged 15-19. (nami.org)
• People with eating disorders often have additional illnesses: Depression, Anxiety disorders, Borderline personality disorder, Obsessive-compulsive disorder (nami.org)

I have battled depression, anxiety, and an eating disorder since my late teens. There were days I simply wished I didn't have to get out of bed and face the day, and days I just wanted to die. Don't tell me it isn't real. Don't tell me I could've changed that with a more positive attitude. Don't tell me I didn't have enough faith in God or I just didn't pray enough. Don't downplay my mental illness, or anyone else's.

Because it is National Eating Disorder Awareness Week, that's what I want to talk about. As I struggled under the weight of mental illness, I fell victim to Anorexia. It was an addiction that wrecked years of my life, and has become a battle I will fight for all my life.

GirlZone posted a great article titled Almost Anorexic. You should definitely go read it, but this was the part that inspired my thoughts today: 

"While most mental illnesses elicit empathy, anorexia nervosa is often met with envy (“You are so thin!”) and sometimes doubt (“Why don't you just eat?”)... Why does a serious, life-threatening illness with one of the highest mortality rates of any psychiatric disorder inspire such cachet and even skepticism?...you surely haven't heard someone say, “Why don't you just stop having cancer?”"

If you are "Almost" Anorexic, you fall under the diagnosis of Other Specific Feeding or Eating Disorder (OSFED), meaning you meet much of the Anorexia Nervosa criteria, except being underweight. Most people suffering eating disorders are not visibly and dangerously underweight. Despite the the implications of the word almost, anorexia is anorexia, and being "Almost" Anorexic does not mean you have "failed" in becoming a full blown Anorexic, or that you can't or don't need help because haven't "achieved" the diagnosis definition of Anorexia Nervosa. 

I repeat, LET'S STOP DOWNPLAYING MENTAL ILLNESS!

If you know someone who is restricting, binging or purging, talk to them. Help them get help. Love them. Get educated. Don't downplay it. 

If you're restricting, binging, or purging (bulimia) you are at risk! You have an eating disorder. Don't downplay it. You need help. Get help. Love yourself. Be brave. You can, I promise.


XO.

 

 

 

 

In honor of National Eating Disorder Awareness Week...

I remember being in 4th or 5th grade when I started feeling self-conscious, comparing myself to other girls. I became acutely aware of my imperfections, and FAT became the word that I would consistently use to describe myself.

10 years old. Calling myself "fat" and hating my body at 10 years old. I shudder.

I struggled with my self image all through my teens. But I was 16 years old when I first experimented with what would become my drug of choice on and off for 4 years. No, I didn't smoke, shoot or snort anything.
My drug was my Anorexia. 

From 16 to 17 the experimentations were small, skipping breakfast and lunch but making sure to eat when anyone was watching. I did know deep down how wrong it was, but it felt so good I didn't want anyone to force me to stop.

What most people don't understand about eating disorders is that it is not all about weight. Yes, it starts that way, but that's not why the addiction grows. I became addicted to the high that I got from resisting to eat. I felt powerful. 

The teenage years are a time when most kids feel completely powerless. I know I did. There were family problems, death of loved ones, the stress of college applications, the stress of keeping up my grades, trying to make my parents proud, my first boyfriend, my first breakup, friendships that dissolved, jobs, and so on. While there was so much out of my control, food became what I could control.

By the end of my senior year and the summer before college I could go as many as 4 days on nothing but an apple, then eat a meal, and then go another 4 days. I did my best to avoid situations involving food, because if I did then I would have to eat in front of people. When I did have to eat, there would be days of remorse and self hatred to follow. Food became a reward/punishment system, rather than a nutrition system.

I got less than an A on a test or paper - I didn't get to eat.
I got an A - I got a food allowance.
I got in a fight with my mom - I didn't get to eat.
I endured my first breakup - I went days without food.
and so on...

Just like drugs, an eating disorder affects you physically, emotionally, and it affects those around you. When an eating disorder takes over your life, it makes you a liar. You lie about when you ate and what you ate. It promises you all of your hopes and dreams, but it leaves you miserable and with nothing. By the end of the summer, weeks before I was to leave for college, the weight of my pain and the lies became too great. I broke down and told my parents.

They were heartbroken, and so was I. There was talk of not sending me to college, but I was dead-set on going. I promised to change. We made an honesty pact about meals- I had to check in about food and be honest, even if I hadn't eaten I had to say that. Feeling "cured" I left for college.

The interesting thing that I learned, as all who have suffered an eating disorder can testify of, is that you are never cured. Just like an alcoholic is never not an alcoholic, I will always be recovering from my eating disorder.

Well, I started school with much gusto, healthy eating and started going to the gym with my aunt. Just a month into school, in the swing of classes and a budding relationship, my old habits creeped back up. The guilt, the hatred, the depression found place in my head again. This time my lack of nutrition was coupled with a workout schedule - NOT good.

I let this endure for months. Excusing my workout exhaustion with late nights, and not the fact that I hadn't eaten more than a few hundred calories in a few days. The night I forced myself to throw up dinner scared me enough to make an appointment with the Psychologist at my university, and confess to my parents that I had relapsed.

From here on out relapsed about every 3- 6 months, until the summer of 2009. That was my last BIG relapse. After a major life upset and deep soul-searching,
I discovered who I actually was for the first time in my life. 

Would you like to know what I discovered? 
I figured out that I am, actually, a pretty great person!
I discovered that my body is a gift from God and that I should treat it with love and respect. He had created me with love, and I was repaying him by destroying it.
I discovered that I was smart, that I knew better about how to take care of my health.
I discovered that I could help others by being open about my struggles.
I discovered that I didn't need a guy to make me happy or tell me who I should be.
I could live for myself and be who I wanted to be, not what a guy wanted me to be.
I found the love of my Savior. I discovered Him in a way that was undeniable and that filled me with Hope.
I discovered that I could be BRAVE!

For the first time since I was 16, I knew that I wanted to be better. This time I was committed to being honest and getting better. And for the first time since I was 16, I was truly HAPPY!!!

Have I been perfect since that discovery? No. Because, as I have said, I have accepted that this is an addiction that will always haunt me. However, as the years go by my relapses are fewer and farther between, and mostly just a relapse of desire. There are even years where I go on like I have never struggled at all. Loss of control is what will get me every time, but I know that. And I acknowledge it. I am blessed with a loving husband and parents who support me and love me. I am open and honest when I struggle, and I always power through!

Life is beautiful! You are beautiful! Don't doubt that. God loves you and he made you exactly as you are, because that is who you should be!

Love yourself, Love your God and life will be so much better!

I leave you with a poem that is dear to me about my struggle and discovery.

XO
Brittany

THIS IS NATIONAL EATING DISORDER AWARENESS WEEK http://nedawareness.org/about

IF YOU OR SOMEONE YOU KNOW IS STRUGGLING WITH AN EATING DISORDER, PLEASE GET HELP! AN ED CAN LEAD TO SEVERE HEALTH PROBLEMS AND CAN BE DEADLY. YOU CAN BE BRAVE! VISIT http://nedawareness.org/ TO GET HELP.