I'm thankful for my trials!

I have been participating in the "30 Days of Thankful" on facebook and instagram. I started it here on my blog with my post about being thankful for all of our AWESOME friends. I have posted serious gratitude for my amazing husband and our sweet parents. I have posted funnies like, today, I'm thankful that Lyss taught me to cut out snowflakes- Yes, I really didn't know how. No, it is NOT easy ;)

As this month bursts with pant seams and gratitude I am reminded that, as we struggle through the greatest trial of our life, I must reiterate how truly THANKFUL I am for this experience. I still wouldn't wish infertility on my worst enemy. And our two years and a few thousand dollars is no comparison to those that struggle for longer for tens of thousands of dollars. I pray, cry, send love, and tip my hat to all of you!!

However, as hard (understatement) as these last two years have been I must say that I see the Lord's hand in my life and I thank him for what I have learned, the blessings I have seen, and the love I have felt. It doesn't mean I'm not sad sometimes, because my heart sometimes absolutely breaks in two. It means that the Lord has blessed me to see my loving family and who my true friends are, those who grab my heart and hold it together when I cannot.

I am thankful that I have learned more than ever to turn to the scriptures for guidance. The words of Christ and his prophets bring peace to my soul.

I am thankful for prayer and the joy that is felt from communicating with my Father in Heaven.

I am thankful that the past two years have brought Tyler and I closer together. He has never made me feel inferior and stops me from blaming myself. I know more than ever the strength of his love for me and I will have to live a thousand more years to even try to convey that same love in return.

I am thankful for parents that love, guide, and protect us even when we are fully grown. They hold out their open arms when we fall apart, and like children again, we curl up in their love. In seeing this we have learned the love and wisdom it takes to be parents, and I am forever grateful.

I am thankful for the opportunity to be an aunt before being a mom. I have the opportunity to completely spoil and dote on 2 (one is on his way) baby boys.

I am thankful for finding the Reproductive Care Center ! I feel so grateful to be under the care of a clinic and doctor who truly care about me. I know that with their help we will be able to get through this and have a family.

These are just a few of the MANY things I am thankful for thanks to this trial. So, even if you are facing something awful right now. Step back and see if you can look for the blessings. I promise they are there. I promise Heavenly Father is there for you and wants what is best for you. He has a GREAT plan. We just have to wait for it.

Much Love.
Be thankful.

XO

The Prayer in our Hearts

My amazing Uncle Craig shared with us this special poem he wrote. Tyler and I couldn't believe how beautifully he had put the prayer of our hearts to words.

Thank you SO much, Craig. We love you!

I can honestly testify that the only way to endure any trial- whether it be infertility, a miscarriage, loss of a loved one, depression, anxiety, anything- is by staying close to the Lord and our Savior. I have found so much comfort in knowing that Christ loves us and knows more than anyone what we feel. I am always reminding myself that I need not suffer, because Christ atoned for me so that I wouldn't have to suffer. I love this scripture so much, because it helps me keep that in mind.

John 16:33

“These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have a peace. 

In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; 

I have overcome the world.”

Don't feel alone. Pray for peace. Pray for hope. Pray for love.
He will always be there to share it with you.

For the Love of FRIENDS

For some reason this week has been extraordinarily hard.

It was round 3 of Meds week, and Femara is exhausting. I was in a zombie-like sleep state most of the days. Monday-Thursday I was late to work from either over sleeping or having to pull over, get out and jump around in the cold to get awake enough to drive. Every morning I stretched my eyes as wide as I could and drove with the windows down, and still nearly fell asleep while driving :/

By Thursday night I was so glad to just go hang out at the Lees'. We went to Logan to see our dear friends and their new baby. Tyler and Darren took the 2 older kids trick-or-treating while Larynn and I passed out candy and mooned over baby Nora. She is so beautiful. It's heartwarming and heartbreaking all at the same time. 

While we drove home, I broke down and told Tyler how down I had been feeling all week. I felt like I was reaching my breaking point. I have been struggling because I feel as if I'm reaching the limit of what I can handle, yet I have no inclination that our trial is even near being over. I feel strongly like we still have a long road ahead and more lessons to learn. 

The more discouraged I felt, the more I started letting the darkness in.

"You're not good enough."

"Your body is broken."

"Tyler can't be a daddy because of you."

"Where is God?"

I knew I shouldn't, but I let every dark whisper sink in and define me. I wanted to crawl into bed, pull up the covers and never come out. 

We got home and I called my Mom. 

{Aren't Moms the best?? I'm so lucky to have both my Mom and my Mother-in-law as two of my very best friends.}

So, my sweet Mom listened, loved, advised, and praised. She is one amazing woman- so much more than I deserve. How grateful I am that she would stay up so late to just be there for me. I adore her! Thank the Lord for phones, because I miss my mother terribly even with daily phone calls.

I finally crawled into bed around midnight. Tyler was fast asleep. I woke him up for a hug. He held me tight while I cried. I asked him for a Blessing and he gave me some beautiful guidance and peace. When I fell I finally fell asleep it was the most relaxing and sound sleep I'd had all week. I woke up feel refreshed and ready to take on the day. 

THEN I got to work and was greeted with a customer who wanted to know why I wasn't having kids, "Aren't you going to have kids yet? You shouldn't wait too long or you'll be too old. I know it seems good to wait, but I did and I regret it."

Thanks for making me feel worse, lady.

But, ya know what, I think I needed her to push me over the edge I was lingering on...

I vented on Facebook, and discovered how very blessed I am. Just when I was drowning in the depths of darkness, Heavenly Father sent in all my angels to lift me up. I am so incredibly and insanely blessed with the most outstanding friends. I don't know how I got so lucky! It is because of all of YOU that Tyler and I are surviving and powering through our greatest trial. We feel your love and your prayers and we are so grateful! I don't even know how I could find a way to thank each of you properly. So, just know that I love you and appreciate you and I thank the Lord for your friendship. I needed to hear all your loving words today and know that I can keep going. 

so much love to all of you. 

XO