What Boston Taught Me

To our sweet miracle baby, Boston:

I will forever be grateful for all that you taught me in the short time I had to carry you in my womb. Even though I will not get to hold you in my arms, I will always carry you in my heart. 

You taught me that the Lord hears and answers prayers:

For 2 years we hoped and prayed to start a family. In October, as the 2 year mark fast approached, I felt the weight of infertility crushing me and my grasp on hope was loosening. I prayed to Heavenly Father with all my heart to be pregnant. I felt like I would completely lose all hope if I had to go into 2014 still trying. I felt like I was teetering on the edge of my sanity, but I felt God promise me he wouldn't push me past my limits. The next month, we found out that we were, finally, pregnant with you! Now, we knew that we COULD get pregnant! We knew that Heavenly Father had heard our pleas, and he had blessed us.

You taught me about true love and how to feel pure joy:

When I married your Daddy I thought nothing in this life could feel happier than that, and that I could never be more in love than I was that day. Well, when those 2 blue lines told me you were part of our family, when we heard your heartbeat, when my bump started to show, I couldn't even begin to find words to describe the joy that filled my heart. And Daddy and Mommy fell more deeply in love with each other, because we fell hopelessly in love with you. Just 2 days before we found out we lost you, Daddy had swung me into his arms and swore he had never been so happy in his entire life, and that I had never been so beautiful. Thank you for that, baby.

You taught me to be brave:

For the first time in my entire life I wasn't afraid. For once I didn't let stresses or worries get in my way. I enjoyed every moment that I carried you! I fearlessly believed that I had nothing to worry about. I never once worried I would lose you.

At first, when we found out we lost you, I felt guilty. I felt like I should have known. I thought I was a terrible mother, How does a mom not even know her baby died? But I came to realize that had I known and spent what little time we had worrying, like I normally do, I would have never enjoyed my 12 weeks of pregnancy. Oh, I enjoyed it so much! It was beautiful and amazing. I can't believe I ever thought for a moment that I was showing too early. Now, I am so grateful for my little bump that meant I had you growing inside me at one time. 

You taught me to believe:

More than ever, without a doubt, I know that God exists. The ability to create life is a remarkable gift from God. How else could it be that you formed from this tiny part of Dad and this tiny part of Mom? It is absolutely by divine design. As my body started to change, I felt so much closer to the Lord and believed in Him so much more. 

You taught me about Miracles:

You are the greatest miracle of our lives! You came in to our family just when we needed you and, even though you couldn't stay, we will always be grateful you came. 

You taught me about my Savior:

Losing you was both the worst and most spiritual experience of my life. I felt my Savior by my side every second that my heart was breaking. He picked up the pieces of Mommy and Daddy's hearts and put us back together. His atonement lessened our suffering and freed us from the anguish of guilt and anger. His love helped us survive. 

Baby Boston, I carry you in my heart forever. I'm so grateful for the lessons I've learned from you. I know that is why you came. You came to teach me; to make me better. 

Love,

Mommy