Bravery

So, I finally read Divergent. GREAT BOOK. If you haven't read it yet, I highly recommend that you do. It has a beautiful message about accepting who you are, overcoming fear and becoming Brave. 

While I read, I thought a lot about things I am afraid of... which is a LOT of things.

I am afraid of the dark.
I am afraid of water deeper than I can see or stand.
I am afraid of stuffed animals- not the toys, the taxidermy- Like in Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls, and he screams for 2 minutes straight in the room with all the mounted heads.
I am not quite as afraid as I used to be of people dressed in character costumes, but I would probably still run, screaming if Chuck E. Cheese walked up to me.
I am afraid of heights.
I am afraid of confined spaces, whether caused by enclosed walls or a crowd.

I used to be afraid that I would never get pregnant... Now, I am afraid to be pregnant again. 

In Divergent, Four is explaining to Tris what it really means to be Brave, He says. "Becoming fearless isn't the point. That's impossible. It's learning how to control your fear, and how to be free from it."

That really stuck with me. I keep thinking that I have to become fearless to be this Brave person that I aspire to be. Then, I read that and think I am pretty courageous. I used to think that courage and bravery had to be huge, newsworthy, heroic acts. Now, I realize that the small steps we take toward overcoming our fears every day are brave. 

Bravery is walking into the postpartum unit to visit a friend who just had a baby, weeks after I woke up there knowing I had just lost mine.

Bravery is only needing to go to the bathroom once to cry during a baby shower.

Bravery is admitting heartache and crying in my husband's arms.

Bravery is staying strong to hold him while he cries.

Bravery is, finally, realizing that this is not a nightmare, that it has all been real, breathing deep, and no longer trying to "wake up."

Bravery is peeing on sticks again and hoping for the best.

Bravery is having faith in what the future holds.

So, be Brave and Live.

XO.