Resolve to know MORE

Resolve to know MORE 

National Infertility Awareness Week 2014

#Resolve #ResolveToKnowMore #NIAW

I sincerely hope that those who have followed us on our journey feel more educated about Infertility. I know that Tyler and I certainly had NO idea what infertility really meant before we faced it. Most of us figure we'll decide to have a baby, try for a few months, and BAM! We'll be pregnant. However, for 1 in 8 couples, it won't happen that way...
 And we are the 1 in 8.

I always thought that Infertility referred to those who could never have children, or if you were old and had been for trying for years and years. I never thought, at the age of 24, when I expressed concern to my doctor after trying to conceive for 9 months that she would recommend we start researching Infertility and begin treatment. How would I have known that my progesterone levels are practically non-existent? Or that I rarely, if ever, ovulate on my own?

So, almost 2 1/2 years and 1 miscarriage later, HERE WE ARE! 

Still crying, still hoping, and still trying.

What do you know about Infertility?

According to the World Health Organization: Infertility is defined as "a disease of the reproductive system defined by the failure to achieve a clinical, full-term pregnancy after 12 months of regular unprotected sexual intercourse."

It is a disease. We aren't struggling, paying tons of money to get pregnant because we haven't relaxed enough. *insert eye roll & you-are-dead-to-me stare here*

According to Resolve.org: 30% of Infertility problems are male, 30% are female, 20% is unexplained, and 10% is a combination of problems with both partners.

Infertility affects 7.3 million people in the U.S., or 1 in 8 couples. (2002 National Survey of Family Growth)

But for couples enduring infertility, it is SO much more than scientific facts and statistics. It is heartbreaking. I have wanted nothing more than to be a mother since I was a little girl who played with her dollies. I was ALWAYS the Mom when I played house with my friends. I started babysitting my cousins when I was 9 years old. By the time I was 12, babysitting was my regular source of income, and by 17 I had a steady Nanny job after school. I always imagined growing up, graduating from college, getting married and having babies. That was my life plan... So when I had the husband and the degree, the next step was obvious.
We had no idea that we would be starting such a long journey. Infertility is different for everyone. For some, it takes years to get pregnant. For some, it takes medications to correct problems. For some, it takes expensive & invasive treatments. For some, it means that natural conception is not an option. For some, it means enduring numerous miscarriages. There are many different journeys, but they all cause heartache. They are all expensive and inconvenient and unfair. And while there is a growing community trying to raise awareness, it is still a very misunderstood disease. We are constantly bombarded with people who try to diagnose us, or tell us we're just overthinking it. We kind of want to punch those people in the face, just a little.

So, How do you know if it is time to see a specialist?

It is suggested to see a Reproductive Specialist after 12 months for women under 35, but after just 6 months if the woman is over 35. If you are looking for a great clinic in the Salt Lake City, UT area, consider Reproductive Care Center! Everyone here is so caring and genuinely invested in you. We have loved this office. When we found out we were pregnant they jumped and cheered with us. When we lost the pregnancy at 12 weeks, they cried with us. When we needed time to grieve before trying again, they supported us.

How can you support family/friends facing Infertility?

RESOLVE TO KNOW MORE! 

If your friends or family members are open with you about the medicines they are taking or the treatment they are undergoing, you can do research so that you can try to better understand what they are going through. You can check in with them to see how they are doing, be a shoulder to cry on, an ear to listen. Even if you haven't gone through Infertility struggles doesn't mean you can't be sensitive to their pain.

Now, not everyone chooses to be as open about their struggles as others. Not everyone is crazy enough to post his/her intimate feelings and struggles on the world wide web. Who has two thumbs and shares way too much information?
This girl!

If, that is the case, and friends or family have alluded to or only expressed limited details about infertility struggles, respect their privacy! Let them know you are there to support them, but don't bother them for details. Infertility is a very emotional and private matter for most couples, and the best you can do is just love them and pray for them. If you are announcing a pregnancy, be sensitive to those around you. Be understanding and share with them privately, send a note or an email. It's not that we aren't happy for you, but it is definitely nice to have private time to react. We want to be able to show you our excitement and support, but we might need a little time.

If you wonder why a couple may not have any children, DON'T ASK! I know I've been over this before, but I'll say it again, IT IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS! Some couples may not ever tell anyone about their infertility struggles. (Not everyone is going hashtag #infertility, sharing pictures of ovulation tests and blood draws.) They certainly don't need you to painfully remind them when you ask, "Why don't you have any kids yet??"

Resolve to know more.

Learn more, so you can be a better friend and loved one. Learn more, so you can be more considerate. Learn more, so you can be supportive. 

Thanks much from Infertiles everywhere.

XO


http://www.resolve.org/infertility101 
http://www.resolve.org/national-infertility-awareness-week/about.html 

Words of Hope.

This quote is from a fantastic book I read recently, An Abundance of Katherines by John Green. And I've said before, I read once "Whatever is good for your soul, do that." So, that is why I write this little blog. It helps me and I hope it helps others. I will be forgotten, but the stories and feelings I write will last, and maybe telling it will change others just the slightest little bit- just as living it all has changed me.

Writing relieves me. I rummage through my feelings and the words just fall out. I have come to find and discover myself as pens have met pages and fingers have hit keys. 

Here I am wide open for whoever cares to read what I write. I open my heart, because what if I didn't? What if somehow my open heart could help someone who keeps theirs closed? The Lord inspires me as I write. I feel Him close to me as I share my testimony of Faith and His love. I could never endure my trials without His companionship, without understanding that He has a divine plan for me. I want everyone to know they are never alone. 

Reading other Infertility blogs has given me such a sense of community. I want others to read my blog and know that they aren't alone. There are many of us struggling with the pain of infertility, and the more we all spread the word, the less alone we will all feel. We can build each other up with words of Hope and Faith. We can help one another feel brave and powerful when times are tough and threaten our ability to go on. We can laugh with each other when we find the humor and hilarity in it all. We can cry together when we suffer. We can help each other know that We Can Get Through This! Eventually, we will all, somehow, find our way. 

I hope that in some small way my words have helped someone the way others have helped me. We All Matter. This is why I write: So I remember that I matter, and help you remember that you matter. This struggle isn't in vain. There is purpose and learning and growth, and most importantly, there is HOPE.

Thanks for reading.

XO. Much love to you all. 

Ready or Not? Not.

It's already been 3 months since I was 3 months pregnant. 3 months since we found out we'd lost Baby Boston at 12 weeks. 3 months since my D&C at 13 weeks, because my body just couldn't let go of that little fetus. 3 months since I woke to the empty realization that my baby was gone.

Yep! That was me, already showing at 11 weeks.

3 MONTHS.

And while January felt like a hell that wouldn't end, the time since has raced passed me faster than I can believe. The break in my heart still feels like a fresh wound, and some days I still wake up expecting to be pregnant, thinking that surely I must have dreamed a terrible nightmare. I still wear the maternity leggings I had just purchased days before- partly because I wish I was still pregnant and partly because, let's be honest, they're too comfortable to give up. Why can't it be fashionably acceptable to wear stretchy pants all the time??? I mean, really! Aaaaand back on topic...

I can't believe its been 3 months.

I've been ready to be pregnant again since February, but that's easier said than done. I hoped that 3 months of pregnancy had healed my body, and by some miracle it would start working like it should. I dreamed that we would get pregnant by surprise- no doctors, no meds, not tests.

Nope!

So, now we face the decision to start Femara, again. Femara wasn't bad. It made me really sleepy, but that was hardly much to complain about after the havoc Clomid raged on my hormones and emotions. And I got pregnant the 3rd month I was on it, so the problem isn't about taking Femara. Its everything that comes with really starting to "try" again. For those of you who think, "Trying is the fun part!" SHUT UP! Trust me, you have obviously never "tried" to get pregnant. There is nothing fun about ultrasounds when there's no baby, having your blood drawn all the time,  and taking pee tests at the most accurate ovulation read time (which, by the way, takes about 4 minutes to season and is when you are at work, using the public restroom)

Right now, Tyler and I are so happy! We have found peace after the miscarriage. We have fallen more in love. And we are content. It's hard to maintain happy and content once you start the roller coaster of infertility again.

Like I said, were facing the time to decide at the end of this week... Well, my period just came 4 days early and took my time to decide!!! What a jerk. Just another reason to hate that damned messenger.

So, here I lay, exhausted, but wide awake. Weighing the pros and cons of starting Femara again tomorrow, or putting it off another month. Weighing what I want against what I can handle. And coming to the ultimate decision that, while I'm ready for a miraculous conception that takes no effort on my part (and not giving up on that idea!), I am not quite ready to head down the road of meds, and tests, and stress, and disappointment again just yet.

But, ya know what? That's okay. It's my life and it's Tyler's life. He loves me and he'll patiently wait for me, because he is just that amazingly cool. And because he knows that, eventually, I will be ready.

And someday, I will be pregnant again.

Xo.

So, it's okay! right?

Matthew 18: 3-4

3 And said, Verily I say unto you, Except ye be converted, and become as little children, ye shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven.

4 Whosoever therefore shall humble himself as this little child, the same is greatest in the kingdom of heaven.

Children are so much smarter than we are! They are not burdened or hardened by the world, yet. They think so simply. If only we could be that simple again!

I must share with you what were absolutely, by far, the most comforting words I got after our miscarriage. For a while this experience was just too dear to my heart to share. But I think we can all learn from the simple words of my 5 year old cousin.

Ava is a pretty amazing little girl, with parents that are even more amazing! What she taught me just goes to show what wonderful lessons she is being taught at home.

It was just a few weeks after our loss, and my Garrett cousins were gathered in my Grandma's kitchen. Sweet little Ava came over and tugged on my shirt for me to pick her up. She gave me the tightest hug and asked,
"Brittany, your baby died in your tummy?"
"Yes, sweetie. It did."
"I'm sorry." *another big hug*
"Oh, Thanks Ava!"
"But he's with Jesus! So, it's okay! Right?"
Blown away, I responded, "Uhh... Yeah... You are right!"

Wow. Just... Wow!

Those simple words meant more to me than anything anyone had said in the wake of our loss. I mean, really, "It's okay! Right?" Our baby really is with Jesus, and it really is okay!

Why don't we think like that? Why do we make everything so complicated? Why do we focus on so much negative? When, really, It's okay!

In continuing with our journey to be More Content and Less Bitter, I challenge you to consider your life and your trials with a more positive outlook.

I promise you, It's Okay!

XO.