Good friends, a laugh, and the Big Bang.

Once I found the right one, I always liked my birth control. I didn't gain weight or get acne. I could regulate my periods, and was spared much of the pain of bursting cysts that had accompanied my cycles prior.

In case you were wondering, when a cyst bursts on your ovary it feels like someone has jabbed a knife into your side and then continues to twist it around for about 2 or so hours. Once it strikes, there isn't much you can do. You assume the fetal position, grab some Redvines and Yorks, apply heat and (dramatically) wait for death...

Yeah. It's pretty great.

So, when one strikes, along with a few expletives, the words of Dr. Sheldon Cooper come to mind, "Oh! What fresh Hell is this?!"

...And, if you are really lucky, a good friend will embroider that thought on a rice bag for you.

XO. 

Resolve to know MORE

Resolve to know MORE 

National Infertility Awareness Week 2014

#Resolve #ResolveToKnowMore #NIAW

I sincerely hope that those who have followed us on our journey feel more educated about Infertility. I know that Tyler and I certainly had NO idea what infertility really meant before we faced it. Most of us figure we'll decide to have a baby, try for a few months, and BAM! We'll be pregnant. However, for 1 in 8 couples, it won't happen that way...
 And we are the 1 in 8.

I always thought that Infertility referred to those who could never have children, or if you were old and had been for trying for years and years. I never thought, at the age of 24, when I expressed concern to my doctor after trying to conceive for 9 months that she would recommend we start researching Infertility and begin treatment. How would I have known that my progesterone levels are practically non-existent? Or that I rarely, if ever, ovulate on my own?

So, almost 2 1/2 years and 1 miscarriage later, HERE WE ARE! 

Still crying, still hoping, and still trying.

What do you know about Infertility?

According to the World Health Organization: Infertility is defined as "a disease of the reproductive system defined by the failure to achieve a clinical, full-term pregnancy after 12 months of regular unprotected sexual intercourse."

It is a disease. We aren't struggling, paying tons of money to get pregnant because we haven't relaxed enough. *insert eye roll & you-are-dead-to-me stare here*

According to Resolve.org: 30% of Infertility problems are male, 30% are female, 20% is unexplained, and 10% is a combination of problems with both partners.

Infertility affects 7.3 million people in the U.S., or 1 in 8 couples. (2002 National Survey of Family Growth)

But for couples enduring infertility, it is SO much more than scientific facts and statistics. It is heartbreaking. I have wanted nothing more than to be a mother since I was a little girl who played with her dollies. I was ALWAYS the Mom when I played house with my friends. I started babysitting my cousins when I was 9 years old. By the time I was 12, babysitting was my regular source of income, and by 17 I had a steady Nanny job after school. I always imagined growing up, graduating from college, getting married and having babies. That was my life plan... So when I had the husband and the degree, the next step was obvious.
We had no idea that we would be starting such a long journey. Infertility is different for everyone. For some, it takes years to get pregnant. For some, it takes medications to correct problems. For some, it takes expensive & invasive treatments. For some, it means that natural conception is not an option. For some, it means enduring numerous miscarriages. There are many different journeys, but they all cause heartache. They are all expensive and inconvenient and unfair. And while there is a growing community trying to raise awareness, it is still a very misunderstood disease. We are constantly bombarded with people who try to diagnose us, or tell us we're just overthinking it. We kind of want to punch those people in the face, just a little.

So, How do you know if it is time to see a specialist?

It is suggested to see a Reproductive Specialist after 12 months for women under 35, but after just 6 months if the woman is over 35. If you are looking for a great clinic in the Salt Lake City, UT area, consider Reproductive Care Center! Everyone here is so caring and genuinely invested in you. We have loved this office. When we found out we were pregnant they jumped and cheered with us. When we lost the pregnancy at 12 weeks, they cried with us. When we needed time to grieve before trying again, they supported us.

How can you support family/friends facing Infertility?

RESOLVE TO KNOW MORE! 

If your friends or family members are open with you about the medicines they are taking or the treatment they are undergoing, you can do research so that you can try to better understand what they are going through. You can check in with them to see how they are doing, be a shoulder to cry on, an ear to listen. Even if you haven't gone through Infertility struggles doesn't mean you can't be sensitive to their pain.

Now, not everyone chooses to be as open about their struggles as others. Not everyone is crazy enough to post his/her intimate feelings and struggles on the world wide web. Who has two thumbs and shares way too much information?
This girl!

If, that is the case, and friends or family have alluded to or only expressed limited details about infertility struggles, respect their privacy! Let them know you are there to support them, but don't bother them for details. Infertility is a very emotional and private matter for most couples, and the best you can do is just love them and pray for them. If you are announcing a pregnancy, be sensitive to those around you. Be understanding and share with them privately, send a note or an email. It's not that we aren't happy for you, but it is definitely nice to have private time to react. We want to be able to show you our excitement and support, but we might need a little time.

If you wonder why a couple may not have any children, DON'T ASK! I know I've been over this before, but I'll say it again, IT IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS! Some couples may not ever tell anyone about their infertility struggles. (Not everyone is going hashtag #infertility, sharing pictures of ovulation tests and blood draws.) They certainly don't need you to painfully remind them when you ask, "Why don't you have any kids yet??"

Resolve to know more.

Learn more, so you can be a better friend and loved one. Learn more, so you can be more considerate. Learn more, so you can be supportive. 

Thanks much from Infertiles everywhere.

XO


http://www.resolve.org/infertility101 
http://www.resolve.org/national-infertility-awareness-week/about.html 

For the Love of FRIENDS

For some reason this week has been extraordinarily hard.

It was round 3 of Meds week, and Femara is exhausting. I was in a zombie-like sleep state most of the days. Monday-Thursday I was late to work from either over sleeping or having to pull over, get out and jump around in the cold to get awake enough to drive. Every morning I stretched my eyes as wide as I could and drove with the windows down, and still nearly fell asleep while driving :/

By Thursday night I was so glad to just go hang out at the Lees'. We went to Logan to see our dear friends and their new baby. Tyler and Darren took the 2 older kids trick-or-treating while Larynn and I passed out candy and mooned over baby Nora. She is so beautiful. It's heartwarming and heartbreaking all at the same time. 

While we drove home, I broke down and told Tyler how down I had been feeling all week. I felt like I was reaching my breaking point. I have been struggling because I feel as if I'm reaching the limit of what I can handle, yet I have no inclination that our trial is even near being over. I feel strongly like we still have a long road ahead and more lessons to learn. 

The more discouraged I felt, the more I started letting the darkness in.

"You're not good enough."

"Your body is broken."

"Tyler can't be a daddy because of you."

"Where is God?"

I knew I shouldn't, but I let every dark whisper sink in and define me. I wanted to crawl into bed, pull up the covers and never come out. 

We got home and I called my Mom. 

{Aren't Moms the best?? I'm so lucky to have both my Mom and my Mother-in-law as two of my very best friends.}

So, my sweet Mom listened, loved, advised, and praised. She is one amazing woman- so much more than I deserve. How grateful I am that she would stay up so late to just be there for me. I adore her! Thank the Lord for phones, because I miss my mother terribly even with daily phone calls.

I finally crawled into bed around midnight. Tyler was fast asleep. I woke him up for a hug. He held me tight while I cried. I asked him for a Blessing and he gave me some beautiful guidance and peace. When I fell I finally fell asleep it was the most relaxing and sound sleep I'd had all week. I woke up feel refreshed and ready to take on the day. 

THEN I got to work and was greeted with a customer who wanted to know why I wasn't having kids, "Aren't you going to have kids yet? You shouldn't wait too long or you'll be too old. I know it seems good to wait, but I did and I regret it."

Thanks for making me feel worse, lady.

But, ya know what, I think I needed her to push me over the edge I was lingering on...

I vented on Facebook, and discovered how very blessed I am. Just when I was drowning in the depths of darkness, Heavenly Father sent in all my angels to lift me up. I am so incredibly and insanely blessed with the most outstanding friends. I don't know how I got so lucky! It is because of all of YOU that Tyler and I are surviving and powering through our greatest trial. We feel your love and your prayers and we are so grateful! I don't even know how I could find a way to thank each of you properly. So, just know that I love you and appreciate you and I thank the Lord for your friendship. I needed to hear all your loving words today and know that I can keep going. 

so much love to all of you. 

XO